The last time I cried was a Thursday, 16 Feb I think.
I was supposed to be giving instructions to this group of people, cos we’re supposed to have this introduction session, so I told them to form a circle, but no one listened. I think I said it again, or did I? But basically I just got kinda mad and yelled at everybody to listen or something, I can’t remember. Then I think I just got really messed up, and someone told me my face was turning red, and everyone was staring. So I don’t know what got into my head, but I just quickly went out of the room, and obviously I didn’t really have anywhere to go, so I just ran back to my own classroom, and I started to cry while hugging this huge polar bear plushie we have in class. Oh and I started to talk to him (the bear, Paul) too.
I don’t even know why that happened ok, I mean, it seems like just some stupid trivial thing that shouldn’t even affect me that much right? I don’t know… I’m not blaming that group of people or anything, cos they’re really one of the most wonderful people in my life currently, but sometimes they just make me feel pretty much useless especially when I try to give instructions for them to do what they should be doing. Sometimes they tell me to my face that they think that I’m pretty much useless too, but in a teasing way. But I don’t think they realize that every time they tease me about it, there’s this part of my brain that agrees with them so much more than it should, and that I take it way more seriously than them and it isn’t just a joke like it is to them that I can ignore or forget within a few seconds.
Okay wait, too much information, was that? Oops sorry… it’s just that I’ve been wanting to post about it but… ah well…